


Cucumbers and Coconuts (Or, Keith that is not how you make a salad)

by RADifer



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anal Fingering, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Desperation, Gay Disaster Keith (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Hand Jobs, Hands, Hunk (Voltron) is so Pure, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Improvised Sex Toys, KEITH WHY, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith (Voltron)-centric, Keith desecrates Hunk's kitchen, Keith fucks a cucumber, Keith that is not how you make a salad, Lance (Voltron) is so Pure, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in a kitchen, Masturbation with a cucumber, My First Smut, Pining Keith (Voltron), Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Poor Hunk, Porn with Feelings, Public Hand Jobs, Public Masturbation, Sex Toys, Sexual Fantasy, Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why Did I Write This?, anal penetration, coconut oil is a lube, cucumber, desperate Keith, if i miss a tag lemme know, sin - Freeform, this is sin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-16 21:48:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19326763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RADifer/pseuds/RADifer
Summary: Keith hadn't had a proper release since who knows when. When Shiro gives the paladins a day off, the weight lifted off his shoulders seems to go somewhere else, and Keith finds himself horny as hell. While hanging out with Hunk, Keith gets left to his own devices. One of which is a cucumber and some coconut oil. Thoughts of Lance fuel his fun little session as he races against the clock for Hunk to return.





	Cucumbers and Coconuts (Or, Keith that is not how you make a salad)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [letmebelex (Willow_wolfe88)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willow_wolfe88/gifts), [Bang Bang Beef Keef (BangBangBeefKeef)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BangBangBeefKeef/gifts), [Anime_fangirl823](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anime_fangirl823/gifts), [crazyrandomhappenklance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyrandomhappenklance/gifts), [devoosha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/devoosha/gifts).



> Welp. Here you go. This was supposed to be a stupid short fic but ended up being THIS MONSTROSITY. 
> 
> 6 MONTHS GUYS. 6 MONTHS FOR ME TO ACTUALLY DO THIS. 
> 
> I've never written smut before, so this was something verrrryyyy new to me. I hope you all like it. 
> 
> Shout out to Bang Bang Beef Keef, Anime_Fangirl823, letmebelex, crazyrandomhappenklance, and devoosha for supporting me throughout this crazy adventure, and go check out their stuff! They are awesome. 
> 
>  
> 
> I'm hoping to make more of these, and other stories as well! Lemme know if there's anything y'all want! 
> 
>  

Admittedly Keith was desperate. The fact frustrated him more than he could really handle, so he was more than a little bit rough with himself. He didn’t normally do this, at least, not on the regular. It wasn’t something he often thought about. Masturbating, that is. He was always too preoccupied with other things- moving between foster homes, avoiding the bullies, trying to keep up with schoolwork, having to survive alone in the desert, fighting the galra… Yes, there were a lot of more important things on his mind, so any tension he felt building up in his body from lack of sexual release often went unnoticed. 

 

He was definitely blindsided when Shiro told him that there were no missions set for Voltron that day and the team could take a day off unless an emergency arose. Keith trained a bit on the training deck, but he found himself bored and ruminating. 

 

And that’s when it hit. 

 

All distractions gone, his body was finally able to focus on relieving its more… earthly desires. 

 

It was when he was standing behind the kitchen island, watching Hunk chop up some vegetables for the lunch salad. Keith felt a tingle down in his thighs and one in his dick. He blinked, sparing a glance down to see an erection forming in his jeans. Of course today he chose to wear his jeans. He could only count his blessings that he was on one side of the island and Hunk was on the other. 

 

“Hey, Keith? I need to go to my room. I found some cool spices on the last planet we stopped at and want to try them. Think you could watch the food for me?” Hunk turned, brandishing his kitchen knife which glinted in the overhead light. Keith flinched, the action causing him to rub up against the island he was leaning on and further exciting his little secret. 

 

“Yeah, yeah! Sure,” he quickly waved Hunk off, who set his knife down and scampered out the room. Keith walked around the island to stand next to the fridge. He was contemplating what he should do about his issue when Hunk leaned back in the doorway. 

 

“Oh! Make sure the mice don’t get to the tomatoes. They seem to really like stealing them.”

 

Keith dove to the counter, pressing up against it to hide himself. “Mmhm.” Keith could hear his voice strain as he nodded his head. Luckily, Hunk didn’t seem to notice and went on his way. 

 

Now half-mast, Keith was really starting to freak out. He should probably just run to his room and take care of the problem, or straight to the showers and ice it off. But, if he didn’t return before Hunk did, there would be questions. (And, honestly, Keith didn’t have it in him to lie to Hunk.) He could  _ literally _ ice it off, and he looked to the freezer as if asking it if this was a good idea, but the shiver that ran down his spine and into his dick from fear was more than enough reason for him not to. He looked down at his dick again. Apparently, the fear was enough to spur it up another inch. 

 

This was getting ridiculous. 

 

_ Okay, calm down Keith _ , he thought as he paced the room, hoping to get his blood circulating enough so it wasn’t pooling in one particular place,  _ you’re just going to have to get rid of it before Hunk comes back.  _ He peered at it again, bangs falling haphazardly over his eyes after he tried fingering them out of his face. He was sporting a full boner now, and his tight jeans did not help hide this obtrusive fact.  _ Yeah, there’s no way you’re waiting till after _ .

 

His heart rate doubled and his face flushed. His fingers twitched at his sides. Admittedly, this was a very embarrassing situation to be in. He considered shutting the door, but there wasn’t a lock, so that would be fruitless. He needed to be where he could see out the door, but still not be seen inside. 

 

On the wall opposite Hunk’s prep counter and the fridge was the in-wall oven. If he sat on the island he would be able to see the reflection of the hall in its window. Not much of one, sadly, but enough to warn him someone was coming. 

 

Who knew masturbation took so much preparation? Probably Lance, but that was a thought for another session-DAY. Day. A thought for another day. 

 

Whatever. His cock was pulsating angrily now, desperate for Keith’s attention, so he had to just get over it. He lifted himself on the island counter and positioned himself as comfortably as he could He wasn’t fond of being able to see himself as well in the oven’s window, but he had to deal. 

 

This really shouldn’t be so much of an effort. Keith was sure that Lance could just head to his room, stick his hand down his pants and get off easily. But Keith… Keith kinda had to think about. Ease himself into it. Lance was horny all the time so-

 

Wait, why was he thinking about Lance again? 

 

“Augh!” Keith buried his face in his hands, peeking through the gaps in his fingers to the tent in his pants. “You are more trouble than your worth,” he muttered. 

 

_ Okay, Keith, breathe. _ Keith closed his eyes and took a breath.  _ There’s no time limit, just… relax _ . He hoped the lie would be enough to set his mind at ease. He knew there was a time limit, and, honestly, he was surprised Hunk hadn’t returned yet. Though, he did suppose that the barracks were all the way on the other side of the Atlas so it was a bit of a walk. And Hunk may have found a crew member to talk to. 

 

He wanted to slap himself. He was procrastinating on masturbating. What kind of a man was he? 

 

He didn’t give himself another second to think. Keith lifted up his shirt and slid his hand down his stomach, into his jeans and boxers and down the length of his dick. He wrapped his fingers around it, a small hum escaping his lips. There wasn’t much room to maneuver in his skinny jeans, so, risking it, he unzipped his pants with his other hand and pushed his boxers down slightly. A wave of relief brushed through his abdomen. It felt good to set his dick free. The chill of the air was a nice touch too. He traced his fingers around his shaft, dragging his fingertips up and over the tip. 

 

He could just rub one out, get it over with, but he enjoyed the tingle of featherlight touches up and down his dick and over his balls. He rubbed circles in his thigh with his other hand, inching it closer and closer to double his grip. He took it slow though, letting the tension build up in his stomach so he could at least come to a satisfying end. He experimented a little, finding a harder grip particularly enjoyable and sparking a fire in his veins that he didn’t expect. He panted and threw his head back. His face scrunched up as he let out a soft moan, cutting himself off by biting his lip. He was dual handing it now, one hand caressing the base and cupping his balls and the other covering the head, roaming down and squeezing before moving back up to flick his thumb over the tip. 

 

A rainbow of colors flashed before his eyes, violet, red, blue, until the stars finally settled on white. He could feel the knotting pressure in his lower abdomen build and build before finally breaching the surface and darts of cum hitting him in the stomach. 

 

Keith’s grip lessened, and his hand slid down off his dick and rested on his thigh. He panted, trying to refocus his eyes as he stared at the panels on the ceiling. It was over, right? He finally could get back to his daily life without worrying about this. Except, oh of course except, he still felt that weight in his stomach. The solid heat that told him he was  _ not done _ and if he  _ didn’t fully finish himself off  _ there would be consequences. Keith had unsatisfying orgasms before, and he really didn’t want to go down that route. The shame that came with it was mutilating. He would rather feel good about himself after this thank you very much. 

 

That being said, he had no clear idea of what to do. A few things bounced around in his head, but it was murky water. He looked down at his dick, the hard-headed companion that it was, and glared. 

 

“What more do you want from me?” he asked. He ran his hand over it again, low-key enjoying the velvety feel, and continued to talk to it. “We are literally in the kitchen. Are you wanting me to stick you in something? A donut maybe?” He wasn’t sure how sex with foodstuff worked. He had seen some porn relating to it when he was an adolescent and just getting into the whole masturbation scene, but he never really got into it. 

 

He blinked, grimacing at himself. “What am I doing?” He quickened the pace over his dick. “Why am I asking my dick what  _ it _ wants? It should be what do  _ I  _ want.” Another moan bubbled up his throat, and he held it back. “ _ Oh _ , something more, yeah? Something-” 

 

Oh, that’s what he wanted. 

 

He felt his pulse jolt at the thought. Whether it was from excitement or nervousness or a hearty cocktail of the two was to be decided later. Little did he know that this was the last thing he should be worried about doing in the kitchen with the doors wide open and the halls quiet. 

 

He checked the reflection in the oven door’s shining surface. He couldn’t see anything or anyone in the hall. Outside the kitchen, it was quiet. So unless someone was sneaking around, he was in the clear. (He didn’t worry about any spies because most, if not all, of the Atlas’s crew could not sneak to save their lives. Clunky boots and clunky steps.) With that out of his mind, he stripped off his pants and boxers and slid out of his shoes. He tossed them over the other side of the island and rearranged himself on the counter. He accidentally knocked over a glass spice jar with his foot, and it toppled off the edge and onto the ground. Keith winced as he heard it shatter but couldn’t be bothered with it at the moment. He’d clean it up later.

 

The marble surface chilled his legs and was hard on his knees, but not in the worst way. He enjoyed the cool air on his thighs and, well, everything below his shirt line. He felt vulnerable and open and it wasn’t exactly turning him  _ off _ . In fact, the stimulation, as gentle as it was, only served to egg him on. It riled up that small ember in his core and set it aflame. 

 

It had been a while since he did  _ this _ . In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he was even able to. Whatever, this wasn’t the time to brood over his sex habits. Keith palmed at his leaking erection while sliding deft fingers over his neck and chin. His fingertips grazed his lips and he took a sharp intake of breath. He sucked on his finger, wrapping his tongue around it and coating it in a nice layer of saliva before removing it and licking at the spaces in between. His hips moved on their own and rolled into the hand holding his dick. He kissed and loved his free hand thoroughly before deciding they were properly lubed up for the next part.

 

His gaze drifted over to the reflection. He never expected his habit of vigilance would be useful during a masturbation session, but he supposed it could be used for worse things. He had trained hard with the blade and learned to always keep your guard up, even during times of peace. Anyone could show up at any moment. His heart stuttered at the thought and a particularly hot wave ebbed and flowed through his extremities. Well, he was learning new things about himself. 

 

He grabbed his asscheek with his spit-slicked hand and pumped his dick with the other. A breathy moan escaped his lips as his squeezed and fondled, fingers drifting just around his entrance. Teasing. His mind began to wander. Sure, he liked it while he was doing it to himself, but he often wondered how it would feel to have another’s touch in its place. He usually just envisioned a man, didn’t matter what he looked like, just a man, but today his mind was set on something else.   

 

No. No. He really shouldn’t be thinking about that. Keith cursed under his breath as a wave of pleasure passed through him. The opposite effect that this should be having on him. Lance’s face drifted behind his eyelids, and he gripped harder, drawing out a low moan.  _ Dammit, no _ . He shouldn’t. He really, really shouldn’t. Though he couldn’t help that Lance was an attractive guy. Attractive, good friend, and he couldn’t deny that stupid unrequited crush any longer. Oh yes, it hit full force as his middle finger breached his entrance. The small stretch worked wonders and spurred on the heat pooling in his stomach. His breath hitched as he worked himself open. 

 

Okay fine. He’ll think about Lance.

 

What if it were Lance who touched him like this? Keith gave his dick a final stroke before brushing his hand up his stomach and under his black t-shirt. He traced over the dips in his skin where his abs and chest muscles were, and a tingle sparked his nerve pathways. He always wanted to be touched like this by a certain someone in his life. The more he got to know him, Keith found Lance was that one. It never happened before. Not until he met him. He flicked his nipple and gasped, imagining Lance adding another finger and reaching further within him. 

 

That small ember became a roaring flame as knuckled in, three fingers now, and fondled his nipples with his other hand, pinching and teasing them until they perked up under his shirt. The amount of tension that was building was almost enough to send him over the edge but-

 

He moaned a little louder than he intended and heard it echo outside. It gave him pause, but he didn’t shut down. In fact, it gave his imagination time to switch gears and start demanding for another want- another  _ need _ . He could finish like this, but he wanted an experience. He couldn’t, and wouldn’t imagine Lance just finishing him off with his fingers up his ass. No, that boy- that boy would not settle for that. Maybe Keith was being a little beknighted about Lance and the whole sexual thing, but with how many times he spoke about his “particle barrier,” there was no way Lance would stop at his hand. Not in this case scenario at least. 

 

That is, Keith didn’t want him to. 

 

His mind was reeling. A burst of hormonal adrenaline rocketed through his veins. He was letting himself go and ripping off his shirt in an instant. He was already half-naked in a public space, might as well go full out. He quickly eyed the reflection in the oven, and, sure that he was indeed alone, crawled off the island counter and scanned the area. He grabbed a dish towel from the rack-- a blue plaid one with a white border that he was sure was one Lance had brought back from Cuba after his visit with his family, but that barely registered with him as he was on fucking autopilot-- and spread it out on top of the island. 

 

Lube. He needed lube. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it right. Sadly he didn’t even own a bottle of lube, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to leave and ask anyone for some. Lance had some probably. Probably had a whole bag of sinful secrets, though that wasn’t much of his concern. Keith searched the cabinets and found a good sized jar of coconut oil, opened and barely used. He had no clue what Hunk used it for, but he was grateful he had it in his kitchen. In his haste, he scooped out a large enough glop and plopped it on the corner of the dishtowel. 

 

This is where he stopped. His eyes caught something large and green on the counter next to the vegetables Hunk was chopping earlier for the salad. An earth cucumber. Keith was suddenly aware of his currently neglected dick and the empty, yet hot, feeling in his core. 

 

It wasn’t his first choice. 

 

But that would do nicely.

 

He picked it up, skimming his hand down the side of it. Its skin was cool and slightly bumpy. Compared to the dildo he “borrowed” from his foster sister when he was 14, however, it was smooth. The girth wasn’t something to sneeze at either. 

 

Oh yes, this would do nicely.

 

Keith leaped back up on the kitchen island and situated himself over the dishtowel. 

 

He supposed before he let cucumber-Lance have his way with him, he should slick himself up a bit more with a more useful lube. Cucumber-Lance was large, and more than likely larger than the original (but a boy can dream), so extra prepping was necessary. Keith sat on his knees, the towel slightly bunching up underneath him, and pinched a bit of coconut oil in his dominant hand. It was chunky, but, after rubbing his fingers together, he might as well be using actual lube. The slick was nice and even better as he slid his hand over his ass, giving it a nice smack, and worked at his entrance again. As he pleasured himself, adding more of his makeshift lube to his hand, he found himself placing cucumber-Lance against his lips. It’s light scent filled his senses and his memory sparked with the image of Lance done up for his nightly routine. He always found the whole ritual ridiculous, but it was endearing on some level. Also, it helped spur the want flaring up in his stomach, so he’d allow the image to stay in his mind’s eye.  

 

Keith’s mouth parted as a small, tense moan slipped out. He really needed to slow the pace or he’d find himself coming before he even got the thing in there. His tongue fell out, and he laved at cucumber-Lance. He gave it a few pecks before deciding that it was time to prep it. His eyes, which had fallen shut, blinked open, and through the haze, he located the coconut oil and spread it over cucumber-Lance’s length. His imagination veiled his sight, and he was now caressing not cucumber-Lance, but Lance himself. He switched up his hand motions. Vertical graze. A massage with his thumb. Fingertip teases. He could almost hear the broken breaths and growing moans from the one and only sharpshooter- 

 

Or were those his?

 

He flipped his position, now on all fours. His head was closest to the doorway so that he could keep watch, but he was honestly too long gone to actually be paying attention. In his mind, he was guiding Lance’s cock to his very wanting entrance, searching for the right spot, the right angle. Once he had him lined up, Lance gave a slight bit of pressure, meeting resistance at first then a subtle give allowing him to inch forward into Keith. There was a slight sting from the girth being new, but they were patient together, easing him in slowly. He was a lot bigger than expected, but Keith wasn’t going to complain. Yes, that made it harder to get going, and Keith liked to go fast, but each and every second it took was stretched to an eternity, just so he wouldn’t hurt Keith. Keith mewled and groaned as Lance sunk into him deeper. The coconut oil helped ease the stretch, but boy could Keith still feel it. He was tight. It made the closeness more intimate that he could imagine. 

 

Lance backed up a little, and Keith whined. There was a pause before Lance’s length was pushing forward again. This happened a few times, working Keith up until he could feel his vision blur and his cheeks burn. He was already pushing his own limits. He was already breaking from the love he gave himself, ready to just let  it  all  go. But no, he wanted this. He wanted the feel of  _ him _ snapping him in half from the inside. He wanted Lance’s arms held tight around him as he claimed him as  _ his _ , but he was a bit busy making sure Keith was thoroughly filled to the brim to use his hands. Keith’s breath staccatoed, and he felt the clammy onset of sweat on his forehead. God, he wanted this. He wanted this so much and so bad. 

 

Keith sucked a sharp breath through his teeth, letting it out with a hissed, “ _ shhhiit _ …” He let out a substantial moan as Lance finally bottomed out. All caution was thrown to the wind. He was verbal. He normally liked the quiet build-up, but this late in the game he found his voice just wanting to beg Lance to  _ speed it up _ . 

 

Then he did. 

 

Oh, he did. 

 

Keith keened, arching his back and sitting high up on his haunches. He had to stabilize himself by throwing a hand out to hold the countertop to keep from falling backward. He moaned freely, Lance’s name a hiss on his tongue. His heart pounded in his chest, and he straightened his back, leaning back over the towel as the warmth that boiled in his stomach flared up his torso, through his back and neck and into his face and ears. He gasped at a new, smooth sensation gliding over his cock. 

 

It would be like  _ him _ , wouldn’t it, to double up on the sensations. Completely envelop his lover in himself, not leaving one place untouched. 

 

Keith’s heart twinged at the thought, but he found the pressure building up inside him override any emotions that tried to breach his conscious. All he had was  _ want _ . 

 

And, god, did he want this! He wanted Lance’s hand jerking him off, firmly holding on and dancing his fingers over his balls as he went lower and rubbing over his dick’s tip as he went higher. He wanted Lance to just give it to him, to just  _ make  him  his.  _

 

He almost forgot to breathe. He was so close, and, gasping for breath, he was just about to let loose loudly, when he heard a clatter coming from the hallway. Keith’s eyes shot open, and he glanced towards his reflection in the oven door. No one was in the hallway- yet. Perhaps around the corner. His soul returned to his body, and he was aware of his position. He propped himself on his elbows, still maneuvering cucumber-Lance to still hit that good spot, and watched. 

 

He saw his sweaty mess of hair draped over his face. His ass stuck pert up in the air. Dick hard and hanging beneath him. It wasn’t- he thought it would turn him off to watch himself be fucked (especially b a cucumber) but it didn’t. He had to admit it. It was hot. The way his muscles twitched when he pressed it further in. The little jerks forward he’d make as that bundle of nerves was hit  _ just the right way _ . He shuffled a bit, regaining his grip on his dick, and started pumping. All the nuances he had during this, the crease of his brow, his teeth glinting in the light as they bit his bottom lip, it was doing something. 

 

Keith heard the footsteps. He heard the voices mumbling, growing louder as they neared, but he couldn’t stop. He held back another groan as he finally released, spilling onto the towel beneath him.  He gave himself a tick to breathe before he hopped off the counter, the side farthest from the oven, and snatched his clothes off the floor. He was lucky his time with the blades trained him to be able to dress and undress quickly, so by the time Hunk’s voice was outside the door, he looked somewhat decent. Sweaty. But decent. 

 

“No, no,” Hunk laughed, “he couldn’t have! The hangar was closed right?” 

 

“Ilyok opened it. I told him that wasn’t the button, but he still pressed it. Then  _ whoosh! _ ” Keith recognized the voice of a newer recruit, Narzak. The young ex-blade now rebel was stalling Hunk outside the door, and Keith could only mentally thank him.

 

He took his extra time to grab the now dirty towel and wad it up in his hand. He didn’t have the heart to throw it away, being Lance’s and all, and couldn’t leave it there. He planned to discreetly wash and return it to the kitchen later that night. He held it behind his back. Not knowing what to do with the cucumber, he thanked it and quickly tossed it in the trash. He hoped he looked okay. 

 

“Alright, dude. I need to finish lunch. I’ll see you later,” Hunk said. Narzak farewelled him and his footsteps receded. 

 

When Hunk entered the kitchen with the spices he left to retrieve, he saw Keith standing in the corner, shifting between his feet. He grinned and approached the counter. 

 

“Hey, buddy! How’d it go? No sneak attacks from the mice?” 

 

“N-no! No! Everything went well.” Keith could feel the waver in his voice. Hunk didn’t seem to notice it. Though the sound of a crunch under Hunk’s heavy step made him wince. 

 

Hunk looked down and back up to Keith, a confused expression crossing his face. “What happened to my cinnamon jar?!” 

 

Keith shrugged, trying to look as nonchalant as possible. “It must have fallen over. I didn’t hear anything though.” He cleared his throat, looking the other direction. Hunk nodded slowly as he moved to the counter he was chopping vegetables on. 

 

“Sorry I took so long, by the way. I met Pidge on my way there and they needed me to look over something for them. There’s this new code they’re working on and wanted me to beta. Then Narzak stopped me on the way back to tell me how Ilyok accidentally lost some important items out in space and how the MFE pilots were sent to retrieve it. I saw James getting into his gear. He didn’t look too happy. He looked li- hey, where’s my cucumber?” 

 

Keith froze. His mouth opened and shut, floundering. He eventually just squeaked out a speedy, “Hey, Hunk, I just realized Shiro wanted me to meet up with him and talk to him about some- some Paladin things. I’ll see you later!” and made a run for it out of the kitchen. 

  
  


As soon as he was far enough away from the kitchen, the very one he desecrated and lied to the sunshine Hunk about, he spun on his heel and started in the direction of the showers. He knew he was riding the line. If the right person (or the wrong person, he supposed) crossed paths with him and took one good look, and sniff, probably, at him, they’d know what he did. He didn’t need to go through that humiliation, so he intended to rid himself of the evidence and throw the goddamn towel in his laundry basket for safekeeping until he could sneak to the laundry room.

 

He raked his hand through his hair, feeling remnants of the sticky sweat that accumulated at his hairline. Luckily, he considered, his hair was dark enough to hide it. He huffed and rounded another corner. A number of anxieties fought for dominance in his head. It served as fuel for his feet. He was practically moving a mile a minute down the hallway while merely walking. On the downside, this hazed over his concentration, and he ran smack dab into a person as he neared the showers. 

 

“ _ Oof!  _ Hey!” the person shouted. Their tone shifted, however, and their next phrase had Keith flinching in pure meerkat fashion. “Oh, Keith! What’s your hurry, Mullet?” 

 

“Uh uhm. Just heading to- I just came from the kitchen and I was- I just need-” Keith stumbled over his words, images of his fantasy session he had not minutes before flooding his brain. He caught sight of Lance’s grin growing and a smug laugh soaring under his breath. 

 

“Am I too stunning that cat got your tongue?” he asked. Keith grimaced at the poor attempt at smoothness. He crossed his arms over his chest and returned Lance’s comment with a blank look. 

 

“What, did you find a powerful enough concealer to hide your face?” The shocked look on Lance’s face was satisfying, to say the least. That satisfaction didn’t last as Lance leaned forward, eyes locked on Keith’s right hand. 

 

“What’s that in your hand?” he asked. It finally clicked with Keith that he was still holding the cum covered towel, and he unlinked his arms and put them behind his back once more. 

 

“Just my sweat rag from training,” Keith lied. He really hated lying. “Do you really wanna see it?” 

 

“Ew, no thanks. I don’t want to touch mullet sweat.” Lance scrunched his nose and sniffed. Then sniffed again. And again. It was like Keith was standing before a dog that caught whiff of barbecue on the grill and was determined on finding that burger meat. Lance stepped closer, and Keith never felt more scared in his life. He was sure to figure out his dirty little secret at this proximity. The showers were  _ right there _ . What was this luck?? 

 

“Hey,” Lance asked, suddenly very soft, “are you wearing that cologne I got you from Cuba?” 

 

Keith blinked. He searched through his memory of that morning for if he remembered to even notice the bottle of cologne. He had set it on his nightstand (after staring at it for a good ten doboshes, mind you) after Lance had given it to him, but he couldn’t remember ever using it. He thought he did? Maybe??

 

“I- I think? It’s been a long day,” Keith admitted, not knowing what else to say. Lance was very close and he could smell  _ his _ cologne. Sage and sea salt. It filled his senses, and Keith found himself floating in a sea of blue eyes. 

 

Lance smiled. “Good! I saw that at a local shop and thought you would like it. It’s one of my favorite smells.” 

 

Keith’s mind reeled. Lance could smell him, but he didn’t smell bad apparently. It made him wonder what he actually smelled like to other people. Honestly, if he smelled like anything other than sweat and sex he considered it a win. 

 

“What- what does it smell like?” Keith asked in a small voice. “It’s not like I smell myself so-” he tacked on sharply. Lance chuckled at his flustered reaction. 

 

“Well, it’s a really light one. I don’t know how they make it, especially as a men’s cologne. Most of them are really heavy. This one is like cucumber and coconut,” Lance explained.

 

Keith swore he saw his life flash before his eyes. His brain worked through each and every single word that just left Lance’s mouth, gears grinding for a response. Somehow the worst one popped out of Keith’s. 

 

“Oh, yea? So, do you want the recipe?” 

 

What the fuck, Keith?? What the  _ absolute fuck??!!!  _

 

“What?” Lance cocked his head to the side. 

 

Fuck. 

 

Keith splurted out, “Um- I- BYE,” barreled past Lance, nearly knocking him over in the process. He was halfway down the hall, now completely past the washroom, and was rounding the corner when he heard Lance shout his name behind him. He wasn’t religious, but Keith prayed to any god he could that they’d strike him down right then. 

 

It took five doboshes to reach his room. He leaned against the door as it slid shut and he fell to the floor. For the next however long he sat there, he could only look at his little friend between his legs, hiding under his jeans. 

 

“You. You are WAY more trouble than you are worth.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, an edit! 
> 
> The official sequel, written by Bang Bang Beef Keef is up!! 
> 
> Click [CocoNUT Oil](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19366096?fbclid=IwAR1i0Cheef2ubaClGrihG7gBPKU40CheYaGfgntSva7R-QlJRy_FtzIc6v8) to take you there!!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [CocoNUT Oil](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19366096) by [Bang Bang Beef Keef (BangBangBeefKeef)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BangBangBeefKeef/pseuds/Bang%20Bang%20Beef%20Keef)




End file.
